by Betty Van Volkenburg, Publisher
The Singles Center; Singles, The Magazine for Today's Single
 and The Singles Courier

However, as a single parent and having been through similar tough times, I know that surviving adversities has helped to give me the strength and confidence to handle whatever comes my way in the future. Had I stayed in the safety of marriage, I might not have taken those tentative steps into personal growth that allowed me to raise three children alone, then co-found a singles support group and start my own business. I used to think that anyone over 35 was over the hill! Now, I feel like I’m on top of that hill and the view is great! (Just how OLD am I? Well, you’ll never know for sure, but I will say - I’m around 40, but don’t ask how long I’ve been around fortyJ )

Oh, I’ve had my times of panic and depression, when I would totally withdraw from the world. But I found the best antidote to depression is – get off your butt and get moving. Being part of single parent and singles organizations for so many years has given me a wide assortment of friends for sharing and socializing. I admit, it took me several ‘drive-by’ attempts before I got the nerve to walk through that first door. But, many discussion groups, personal growth seminars, self-help books, and hundreds of friends later, it was the smartest move I’ve made. The men and women I’ve met over the years have become my extended family. I value them as much as my birth family whom I see only rarely for weddings and funerals.

The most important thing I’ve learned over the years is that I am happiest when I focus on my life and use and appreciate what God has given me. When I’m working on developing my own talents, or doing what I like to do, or spending time with people I like, then I am enjoying my life, whether I have a partner or not. Spending time devising strategies to meet or please a man who isn’t interested or gives me on/off signals is a total waste of time and turns me into an anxiety ridden hag.

A relationship with a compatible partner is desirable, but we have other relationships in our lives as well. Nurturing our celebate relationships can help take the edge off the lack of an intimate relationship. I used to regard my romantic relationships with a man as s primary relationship, so every time a romantic relationship ended, I would go through a great deal of debilitating pain. A few years ago I decided to make God my primary relationship and everyone else a secondary relationship. My primary relationship never fails and, since I have many secondary relationships, the pain of breakup is less severe. It isn’t non-existent, just more manageable. I’m not an evangelist, but I have found that having a higher power to draw on has been a great source of strength for me.

When I decided I wanted to use my creativity and talents for my own business instead of a big corporation, I wanted to do something beneficial for my community as well as bringing in an income. Like the first time I walked into a support group, I tentatively stepped forward, after getting assurances from my supporters that having a singles oriented business was a good idea and I wasn’t just going through menopause. My goal for my business is to provide a healthy resource and communication network for singles, no matter what their diverse description. We have many differences, but we have one binding similarity – we are alone and must make the best of our life as it is. I personally am tired of the negative connotations of being single. I’d like to focus on the positives. Our towns and cities are full of singles who need to be in touch with other singles, and with the power of the Internet we also have access to a variety of resources.

One resource is our Resource Directory where we are accumulating links to singles sites. But there are many singles organizations who do not have a Web presence, yet, and you can find some of those in our Club Directory on our site.

We’d like to expand our list of resources, and could use your help in doing that. If you know of an organization for singles in your area, tell them about The Singles Center, and send us their email or web address so we can contact them. Let’s network and get to know each other and make some new friends.

Did you know that singles represent 51% and sometimes more, in the general adult population. Getting to know even a fraction of 1% in your area would bring you a lifetime supply of unique, and special friends.

Until next time…..

‘with gladness and singleness of heart’

Betty Van Volkenburg