Singles Magazine -

Singles The Magazine for Today's Single
From Our Sponsors: Make Them Remember You With A Gift From Lobster Gram!	*FROM OUR PUBLISHER:* Living Single – Coping With Multifaceted Challenges by Betty Van Volkenburg Statistics on the singles majority are impressive, but they don’t present a real picture of singles lives and relationships. People are always more important than numbers! Suffice it to say, we singles are in the majority and it doesn’t really matter by how much. When I was preparing to start the print version of Singles, The Magazine for Today’s Single, I did thorough research on singles in my home community the Greater Rochester NY area. At that time, the research showed that in Monroe county, where Rochester is located, over 51% of the population was single. In breaking down the numbers by suburbs that statistic varied from 42% to 52%. That was over 10 years ago and according to new census figures the trend towards single status has remained and even increased. Times have changed in the past ten years and the stigma of divorce and being single after age 25 may not be as strong, but it is still present. For centuries, marriage had been society’s expected and accepted norm, with singlehood merely a transient state. However, in modern times, marriage has become the transient state. All of our laws, even social etiquette and customs, are skewed toward married couples. Yet 50 percent, or more, of the population is single, and embraces a different set of behaviors, etiquette, and customs. Singles have always been expected to fit into married society’s rules, and we’ve usually done that with few questions rather than make waves. Sometimes it’s as simple as paying an extra 50 cents for admission to a social event because we attend as an individual rather than part of a couple. At other times, it’s more painful- such as paying hundreds of dollars extra for a single vacation room. And how about our taxes? Are we paying our fair share? Why are single people targeted by auto insurance companies to pay higher insurance premiums just because they’re single? Why is a single retiree not allowed to have a beneficiary for his or her annuity? As a result, the proceeds go back to the insurance company instead of to children or to a new spouse. How are single people, especially divorced men with more than one family to support – affected by changes in health care plans? Should young women opt for artificial insemination or adoption to have a family or wait and hope that they can beat the statistical odds and meet someone to marry and create their own family? Why are houses built with many bedrooms for the married couples with children, when singles – majority in the population, are in need of new homes that fit their lifestyle? Where do un-handy singles find good maintenance services for their homes and cars? Which merchants tempt singles with offers to get their business, as opposed to most merchants who target kids and couples? These are just a few of the questions and issues that singles struggle with in their lives every day. Living single is a multifaceted challenge accompanied by a wide variety of concerns not limited to "dating". Our dating relationship may have a high priority, especially on the weekends, but we have five other days and nights in the week when we cope with career development (or stagnation), car and home maintenance, shopping, cooking, cleaning, the blues or the joys. Our magazine will continue to share single-living insights, enlightenment, and fun, but we hope for the day when Business, read – merchants, begin to realize our potential to their future success and start aiming their advertising and benefits at our Singles Market, as was done for the Seniors Market. Who knows, maybe our site can be the AARP for singles! The singles community does not have distinct geographic boundaries. Instead we are defined by our common goal of making the most of our lives without partners. We cope in a variety of ways from dating services to ISO (In Search Of) personal ads. Support groups abound to help us through divorce crises or single parenting, or just to offer friendship. For the past few years I have been involved in helping to found and grow SAM's Lambs a Single Adult Ministry and have experienced the sense of community first-hand that discussion groups, social events, and Bible Study can build. The inspiration for SAM's Lambs came from a Solo Flight, an Episcopal singles conference I attended several years ago after reading an article in our Diocesan News - Is There Seating For One In Church?. Our SAM's Lambs activities also use discussions groups like a secular support group I attended a few years ago. In that group, approximately 2 to 3 group discussions went on at the same time in different rooms, with 6 to 12 people seated in a circle on folding chairs. I remember, the room I was in was painted bland beige and was quite austere; the folding chairs were not particularly inviting. However, the background soon faded as the conversation started to flow and generated an enveloping warmth. We were seated so that we were able to face each other without barriers between us, which made for easier sharing of intimate feelings and ideas. No Cinderellas or Prince Charmings reigned there; we were just a group of ordinary singles who spoke when and if they wanted, and listened with acceptance and understanding. The comments revealed that many in the group returned week after week for their "fix" of friendship, but several newcomers were quickly welcomed into the circle. Because this was an "open" discussion, with no particular topic, we shared comments and laughter on a variety of ideas. By the end of the session, the uneasiness of some and the tentative smiles of others had been replaced by broad grins and hilarity! The mood carried over into the after-meeting gathering over coffee and sinful desserts at a local restaurant, where everyone discussed plans for the coming weekend. Having a safety net of friends is most important in a single person’s life. It doesn’t make up for not having a significant other, but it certainly helps one keep a sensible perspective. If you don’t belong to an organized singles club or group and are not a "joiner" you can network with other singles at open singles events and begin to develop your own informal singles community. Remember to be open to conversation with anyone, male or female, whether or not they fit the image of the special someone you seek Who knows, maybe they have a friend or relative who does! *Internet References:* *SAM's Lambs - http://www.samslambs.org* Good Shepherd church - http://www.goodshepherdepiscopal.org "Risso Therapy" - Healing Through Humour: http://www.samslambs.org/TheRevSays/rissotherapy.htm Is There Seating for One in the Church? - 2002 Current Solo Flight Conference - Labor Day 2007.

Singles
The Magazine for Today's Single

From Our Sponsors:

Make Them Remember You With A Gift From Lobster Gram!

FROM OUR PUBLISHER:

Living Single –
Coping With Multifaceted Challenges

by Betty Van Volkenburg

Statistics on the singles majority are impressive, but they don’t present a real picture of singles lives and relationships. People are always more important than numbers! Suffice it to say, we singles are in the majority and it doesn’t really matter by how much.

When I was preparing to start the print version of Singles, The Magazine for Today’s Single, I did thorough research on singles in my home community the Greater Rochester NY area. At that time, the research showed that in Monroe county, where Rochester is located, over 51% of the population was single. In breaking down the numbers by suburbs that statistic varied from 42% to 52%. That was over 10 years ago and according to new census figures the trend towards single status has remained and even increased. Times have changed in the past ten years and the stigma of divorce and being single after age 25 may not be as strong, but it is still present.

For centuries, marriage had been society’s expected and accepted norm, with singlehood merely a transient state. However, in modern times, marriage has become the transient state. All of our laws, even social etiquette and customs, are skewed toward married couples. Yet 50 percent, or more, of the population is single, and embraces a different set of behaviors, etiquette, and customs.

Singles have always been expected to fit into married society’s rules, and we’ve usually done that with few questions rather than make waves. Sometimes it’s as simple as paying an extra 50 cents for admission to a social event because we attend as an individual rather than part of a couple.

At other times, it’s more painful- such as paying hundreds of dollars extra for a single vacation room. And how about our taxes? Are we paying our fair share? Why are single people targeted by auto insurance companies to pay higher insurance premiums just because they’re single? Why is a single retiree not allowed to have a beneficiary for his or her annuity? As a result, the proceeds go back to the insurance company instead of to children or to a new spouse. How are single people, especially divorced men with more than one family to support – affected by changes in health care plans? Should young women opt for artificial insemination or adoption to have a family or wait and hope that they can beat the statistical odds and meet someone to marry and create their own family? Why are houses built with many bedrooms for the married couples with children, when singles – majority in the population, are in need of new homes that fit their lifestyle? Where do un-handy singles find good maintenance services for their homes and cars? Which merchants tempt singles with offers to get their business, as opposed to most merchants who target kids and couples?

These are just a few of the questions and issues that singles struggle with in their lives every day. Living single is a multifaceted challenge accompanied by a wide variety of concerns not limited to "dating". Our dating relationship may have a high priority, especially on the weekends, but we have five other days and nights in the week when we cope with career development (or stagnation), car and home maintenance, shopping, cooking, cleaning, the blues or the joys. Our magazine will continue to share single-living insights, enlightenment, and fun, but we hope for the day when Business, read – merchants, begin to realize our potential to their future success and start aiming their advertising and benefits at our Singles Market, as was done for the Seniors Market. Who knows, maybe our site can be the AARP for singles!

The singles community does not have distinct geographic boundaries. Instead we are defined by our common goal of making the most of our lives without partners. We cope in a variety of ways from dating services to ISO (In Search Of) personal ads. Support groups abound to help us through divorce crises or single parenting, or just to offer friendship.

For the past few years I have been involved in helping to found and grow SAM's Lambs a Single Adult Ministry and have experienced the sense of community first-hand that discussion groups, social events, and Bible Study can build. The inspiration for SAM's Lambs came from a Solo Flight, an Episcopal singles conference I attended several years ago after reading an article in our Diocesan News - Is There Seating For One In Church?.

Our SAM's Lambs activities also use discussions groups like a secular support group I attended a few years ago. In that group, approximately 2 to 3 group discussions went on at the same time in different rooms, with 6 to 12 people seated in a circle on folding chairs. I remember, the room I was in was painted bland beige and was quite austere; the folding chairs were not particularly inviting. However, the background soon faded as the conversation started to flow and generated an enveloping warmth.

We were seated so that we were able to face each other without barriers between us, which made for easier sharing of intimate feelings and ideas. No Cinderellas or Prince Charmings reigned there; we were just a group of ordinary singles who spoke when and if they wanted, and listened with acceptance and understanding. The comments revealed that many in the group returned week after week for their "fix" of friendship, but several newcomers were quickly welcomed into the circle. Because this was an "open" discussion, with no particular topic, we shared comments and laughter on a variety of ideas. By the end of the session, the uneasiness of some and the tentative smiles of others had been replaced by broad grins and hilarity! The mood carried over into the after-meeting gathering over coffee and sinful desserts at a local restaurant, where everyone discussed plans for the coming weekend.

Having a safety net of friends is most important in a single person’s life. It doesn’t make up for not having a significant other, but it certainly helps one keep a sensible perspective. If you don’t belong to an organized singles club or group and are not a "joiner" you can network with other singles at open singles events and begin to develop your own informal singles community. Remember to be open to conversation with anyone, male or female, whether or not they fit the image of the special someone you seek Who knows, maybe they have a friend or relative who does!

Internet References:

SAM's Lambs - http://www.samslambs.org

Good Shepherd church -
http://www.goodshepherdepiscopal.org

"Risso Therapy" - Healing Through Humour:
http://www.samslambs.org/TheRevSays/rissotherapy.htm

Is There Seating for One in the Church? - 2002

Current Solo Flight Conference - Labor Day 2007.