From Our Publisher:

Romance Survey - Is It Love Or Lust?

by Betty Van Volkenburg
Publisher, www.singlescenter.com  and
Singles, The Magazine for Today's Single

Valentine’s Day is approaching and winter hearts are melting. The scent of romance in the air stirs our hormones to action.

Webster defines romance as ‘an emotional attraction of aura belonging to an esp. heroic era, adventure, or calling’.    Prince Charming and Cinderella? 

In my own biased random survey in search of a definition of romance, it became apparent that everyone has a different perception of "What’s your most recent or most remembered romantic event?", one friend related this story. One day during a particularly frustrating shift on the Maternity Ward, she vented her feelings to her new beau. His sympathy on the phone made her feel much better, but he didn’t stop there. When she arrived home from work, she found a bouquet of roses, a bottle of wine and two glasses sitting on her kitchen table. His gifts could sound like just an act of kindness but I have a hunch it probably led to something even more romantic later.

Other people I posed the question to, had to reach very deep in their memories for romantic recollections. They thought it was probably before they were married, and certainly not since they were divorced. When asked for a definition of romance, some people leaned towards lustful, passionate fantasies, and others seemed to always involve spontaneous, unconditional giving, receiving, or a combination of both. Somehow though it is short lived. Romantic acts seem to be too few and too far between. As we have more and more bad experiences, do we close up and fear reaching out with romantic behaviors or accepting romantic gestures? Is romance perceived as a prelude to the "C" word?

My own romantic events have diminished over time as well. I’m not sure if this is due to maturity (alias age), decreased imagination, fear of consequences, or cultural changes between my adolescent home in Canada and my adult home in the United States. Growing up in a small town in Ontario, then working at National Defense Headquarters, in Ottawa Canada - a cosmopolitan capital, and living in the USA for the rest of my life, has given me a diverse background. My teenage friends were down to earth no-nonsense folks, my business associates worldly and international. However, in Canada, there seemed to be a common, more nonchalant attitude towards romance than here in the USA. Flirting was a common, harmless, enjoyable, daily event that was not taken seriously. It could happen spontaneously, momentarily, and be forgotten. It was no big deal. It didn’t have to develop into a "Fatal Attraction." Of course it could have been an "age thing" rather than a cultural thing.

I was married for the first five years in this country and when I got back into circulation again, I found a different attitude about dating and flirting. Flirting was interpreted as a definite invitation to sex, women were allowed to ask men to dance, and even to date. I adjusted to the new dating rules, but I miss being able to flirt outrageously without fear of the consequences. Everything is taken too seriously. Even dancing! I recall one time when I asked a gentleman I knew to dance, he replied, "No thank you. We have no chemistry!" All I wanted to do was dance one dance, not get married!

I’ve tempered my search for romance recently as I spend my "spare" time working, but occasionally I still dream of romance too. I also believe there is a quiet underground group of romantics out there who share the magic of romantic moments, music, places or events without a written contract of lifelong devotion. Maybe someday soon I’ll look for them. Maybe I’ll find them right in our own new Personals.