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More Rev Fun from Hard day at work?
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HUMOR ME:
The Athlete’s Complete Guide to Peak Procrastination From Singles, The Magazine for Today's Single In a past issue of Men’s Health magazine it was reported that only one out of three men would go see a doctor if they thought or felt something to be seriously wrong with their bodies, such as extreme ongoing chest pain, or a large lump that seemed to be growing and changing shape quickly. This contrasted in that three out of five women would seek medical attention immediately! Is this increased percentage proof that women are more sensible than men are? Well, it may be. But that question is beyond the scope of this article. The question here, and what fascinates me, is that A LOT of people, both men and women, no doubt for various reasons, give little respect and care to their bodies - even in crisis! Maybe, we too, should, for the sake of consistency, encourage the other forty- percent of women and sixty-six percent of men to go with the flow? One can imagine the rest of the Moths fluttering to the flame. It certainly seems a significant number of our populace already are on their way! We can only surmise that if so many of us respond to crisis in this way, how many more, attain more generalized, if not yet acute, sufferings. The figures and logic (or illogic) must be exponentially widened if applied to healthy or relatively healthy folk. In surveying a minutia of preventive healthcare: brushing, flossing, walking (rather than taxiing), ordering baked potatoes (instead of those laden with the diabolically saturated fats)(which, in case you haven’t read a paper in the last ten years, is a main culprit in heart disease, cancer and a plethora of persistent ills…) - it seems evident that we have too many choices each day. No wonder the nomadic culture of Soviet Georgia lives into their hundreds, they make only a handful of choices about their lifestyle each day. No confusion there. How to begin things seem to stump all overwhelmed-already-schedules, which seem as prevalent as the Plague once was. Well, health begins with scheduling, that of prioritizing healthful activities. Like a seesaw that tips as easily one direction as the other, our personal values too part as quickly as "cheeseburger platter, please.." falls from our lips. Procrastination of healthy values is a high art form and best cultivated to such innocent onemodepaiec utterances as - No, I don’t want to go strolling, when I can slip off to sleep to the tonic tapping of my timepiece… or.. Maybe just this once, 2 all beef patties with special sauce that don’t upset us, would suffice. From the moment you open your eyes each morning, countless decisions confront you. A healthful regimen might go: wake, exercise, shower, work, lite lunch and walk, more work, a small dinner and another mini-workout maybe yoga, before bed. But the road not taken and much more difficult to achieve is the Peak Procrastination inherent in the slithering seductive sanctuary of sloth. What sublime pleasure to surround oneself with the closest thing to a boat most people will ever have, the bed. So we might as well follow the pack and learn to be unhealthy better. Perhaps only a total population, which tempts fate, will create the necessary conditions for true change. Here is a guide for such an endeavor: The Rules for PPP (Peak Procrastination Performance): 1.) Under No Circumstances Rise from your Yacht, er..bed! At least until the tide (or your boss) pulls you away …Just Say No! 2.) If Forced to Rise, Go Back to Sleep! ASAP! 3.) Eat a Large Greasy Breakfast each and every morning within one hour of waking. Do Not Delay! This is sure to enhance your Procrastination Power for the next series of tasks, and is the perfect motivation to put them off ‘til later. It’s the next best thing to PPP rules number one and two. 4.) Don’t Put off Something Pleasant NOW!, when You can Pretty Much do - WHATEVER!, later… 5.) Consistency is the surest procrastination attribute according to the recent 1984 Presidential Poll of Political Procrastination. It must become as natural as breathing for it to maintain the PPP. 6.) Delegate! Delegate! Delegate! 7.) Robert Heinlein, the famed Sci-fi writer is quoted as saying, Never Underestimate the Power of Stupidity, to which we will revise - Never Underestimate the Power of Stupefication! Let time stop as you slouch on your favorite couch watching one after another of your favorite TV programs. Think not programs, rather nights. As in, I will be tending the tube Tuesday night. This practice can go a long way toward superior stupefaction. Other methods include the persistent Use and Abuse of All Media for the purpose of supplying bubble gum to the eyes. Watch the soaps, talk shows (avoid public TV tho).. Read Page Six of the Post or any gossip columns regularly. Close your eyes each week at the magazine stand and pick at least seven random magazines, which you will make your business to read cover to cover. 8.) Learn to keep things confused, chaotic, disorganized and off-schedule! This is a great aid for the Champion Procrastinator as it naturally leads to and allows many openings and loopholes to appear which offer ripe chances at PPP. 9.) Do not buy a dog, it leads to walking. In fact, Assume No Responsibilities! And maintain the most flexible boundaries. This gives sloth ergo Procrastination its most fertile ground to mushroom upon. 10.) Fill your life with Trivialities! This constant flow of meaningless distraction is actually a river for the Peak Procrastinator to bathe in at will. One last point: If you Absolutely feel you must assume the role of Compulsive Workaholic (if only for a few moments..) make the experience as miserable as possible, and over time, you WILL learn to detest hard work as much as the Triathletes of Procrastination surely do. And you too, will never get anything done, and over time will become as unhealthy as you’ve ever imagined. So smile, you’re on yer Way!!! Then again, you don’t want to work out those lips too much, do ya!
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